maccrew wants to share sites with you...

2006-08-11T13:34:00.000-07:00

keep it going

2006-07-13T18:22:00.000-07:00

Change ONE letter of the bottom word posted and see who gets stuck and
can't continue! (You cannot add letters or use foreign languages).

Send it back to the person that sent it and new people.

STARTING WORD: Foot
Hannah- boot
Mary-bout
Dan- boat
Taylor- coat
Nat- coal
Brian- cool
Brian- Fool
Amy- foot
Sami - Font
Sarah - Fort
Kasey - Fart
Katie - Cart
Bon~ mart
Lisa ~ mark
Colleen~ park
Yvonne - dark
Karen-dork
Audrey-pork
Karen-dork
Audrey~door
Tonya~poor
Mar~pour
Michelle~ hour
Helen~~ tour
Michelle ~~ your
Mar~ sour
Michelle`` soul
Helen ~~~~ foul
Ron Four
Leigh dour
Raewyn - cour
Monica tour.
Ernie - tout
Kate - lout
Anne ~ loot
Nancy~ lost
Esther -most
Lois - cost
Chris - post
Betsy -posh
Judy gosh
Ann-shoe
George - - shed
Adele--seed
Bob-- deed
Lori-- reed
Nicole--read
Jaime--real
Sandi-deal
Kathy-dead
Deanne-dear
Cindy - deer
Suzanne - peer
Yvonne - pear
Jean - fear
Deon - tear
Ronnie - bear
Scott - Beer, of course!
Jean - Beet
Yvonne - Beat
Marsha -seat
Salem - Meat
Joanne-feat
Barb-peat
HEIDI- NEAT
Marsha-Nest
Ida-Rest
Jeanann-Best
Sherry-test
Paula-West
Karen-Went
Wanda-Vent
Claudette - tent
Frances - rent
Ollene - bent
Nan -lent
Doll - sent
Traci- send
Katherine~Lend
JEANIE~mend
Lily--send
Betty--bend
Joey--band
Marcia--land
Patricia - sand
Mary-------hand
Lisa----hard
Memory- hair
Robbi --- pair
Ronda----- paid
Gina - maid
Rachel-laid
Karen- lard
Lenda-Lord
Sonya - cord
Susan - Ford
Sonny-Sord
Peny-Sore
Jacque -- More
Roy - Mare
Deb- Mark
Gary - Park
Deb - Dark
Bonnie- Lark
Lillian - Lurk
Hugh - Rule
Brian - Rile
Deb - Bile
Carole - Tile
Diane - Pile
Elaine - File
LEE - fill
DAN - film
Heather ~ Firm (Well, maybe ten years ago)
Dawn ~ Fire
Kate ~ fare
Mark - dare
Shirley- hare
Dee - hire
Gay ~ fire
Marnie-wire
Diane - wipe
Margie - pipe
Audrey pine
John-tine
Lorraine - time
CYNTHIA- TIRE
Lisa - tile
Regena -mile
Margaret - mill
Joy - mall
Birdie-mail
Kerrie- hail
Lynette- sail
Dana - tail
Karen - tall
Bill ~ talk
Margaret - walk
Elaine - wall
TERRY - WAIL
Lizard - wait
Tic- want
Lila - went
Kim - wept
Chris - pest
connie-west
Diane-best
Sandra-test
Toni- jest
Maxine -- just
Shelly - bust
ryan - lust
Roger-rust
Harry-ruse
PatO-rise
Phyllis - rose
Chris - hose
Maria - pose
Carol-pole
Alan - pale
Terry- pile
Stu - pill
Karen - pull
Darrien - poll
V- doll
J - dole
Loreen - dose
Rikki - doze
Lana - dote
Lolly-note
Sue-nope
Marie - dope
Lulu- cope
Leona - pope
Wendell - pipe
Jerry - pile
Brenda - tile
John â€" Tide
Danielle - Time
Rhonda - Mime
Lee - Lime
Angela - Limb
Kim â€" Limp
Tara - lamp
Shanna - lump
Heather - pump
Kathryn - dump
Britt - dumb
Levi the X-Treme Geek - Numb

Hey...

2006-06-02T12:19:00.000-07:00

Hey... this is the first post as a mac-bias tech podcast reviewer.

Levi

sorry wrong ulr

2006-05-31T12:14:00.000-07:00

www.freedomunderground.org/memoryhole/pentagon.php#main

pentagon video

2006-05-31T12:06:00.000-07:00

very convincing...
www.freedomundergroud.org/memoryhole/pentagon.php#main

new blog

2006-03-20T15:51:00.000-08:00

this is the official first post

funny emails

2006-03-09T08:36:00.000-08:00

There was a robber that was robbing a house. It was winter and He got his
foot in a can of paint. So when he leaves. There is a track of red foot
prints following him.

Another guy broke out of a jail. He was wearing jail clothes and he decides
that he need different clothes to blend in. So he goes into a costum shop
and buys a lepracon suit..... He was caught soon afterwards

Two ppl go in to rob a corner store, and before they rob it, one of them
fills out a form for a free trip. with their names addresses etc. and that
was caught on security tape. it just amazes me how brilliant some people
are.

Top Eight Idiots of 2002

Idiot # 1

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill
the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency
room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

Idiot # 2

Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it
out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a
Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out
that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

Idiot # 3

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your
muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the
teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might
call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank
of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few
minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it
and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light
in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because
it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either
have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a
few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

Idiot # 4

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a
letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of
handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking about)!

Idiot # 5

Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the
cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said
he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't
believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his
wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that
the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the
police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the
license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give this guy his!

Idiot # 6

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't need a sign; he probably figured it out himself.

Idiot # 7

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!

Idiot # 8

Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
clerksaid they weren't available for breakfast. The man,frustrated, walked
away.

(Remember that these people are allowed to vote!)

Differences Between Men and Women

NAMES:

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each
other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING OUT:

When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20,
even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller,
and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY:

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS:

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a
bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man
would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS:

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS:

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE:

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS:

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP:

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL:

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING:

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and
hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

Any married man should forget his mistakes.

There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

What happens if a fly falls in a cup of coffee?

1) Englishman: Throws his cup away and walks away.

2) American: Takes the insect out and drinks the coffee.

3) Chinese: Eats the insect and throws the coffee away.

4) Japanese: Drinks the coffee with the insect since it is a free bonus.

5) Israeli: Sells the coffee to the American and the insect to the Chinese
and gets himself a new cup of coffee.

6) Palestinian: Accuses the Israeli for throwing the insect into his coffee,
relates the issue to violence, issues a complaint to the UN, asks the
Americans for Military aid, and takes a loan from America to buy another cup
of coffee.

# Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
# Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
# Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
# Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
# If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy
liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
# If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on
the doors?
# If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the
pan?
# Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
# Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
# You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why
can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
# Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn
down the volume on the radio?
# Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
# Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
# Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near
miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
# What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
# Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
# How come wrong numbers are never busy?
# What was the best thing before sliced bread?
# If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
# How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
# What would we have called the color orange if it wasn't a fruit?
# How can there be self-help "groups"?
# If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it
considered a hostage situation?
# When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people
that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
# When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown
away?
# Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
# When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
# If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent?
# If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
# How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is
dead?
# Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't
they be called builts?
# Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them
what time it is?
# Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already
know you don't have?
# How come when I call Information they can't tell me where my keys are?
# Why is the alphabet in that order?
# Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of
everything outdoors?
# How do "Keep off the grass" signs get where they are?
# If the plural of "mouse" is "mice, shouldn't the plural of "house" be
"hice"?
# If you put orange juice in the freezer it becomes frozen, then why when
you squeeze an orange doesn't it become squozen?
# Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
# What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice?
# How do I set my laser printer on stun?
# If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
# If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all
still working?
# Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
# Why are wise man and a wise guy opposites?
# Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
# How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked
when someone threw a gun at him?
# What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
# If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?
# Strange! No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
# Does killing time damage eternity?
# Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
# Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
# Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
made with real lemons?
# Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
# How do you get off a non-stop flight?
# If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
# Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running
child?
# Clothes dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.
# Diet Soda: A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound
bag of peanut M&Ms.
# Grocery List: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take
with you to the store.
# Waterproof Mascara: Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not
come off if you try to remove it.

Movie Cliches:

* If a flying vehicle runs out of fuel and crashes, it still explodes as
if the tank were full
* Characters who survive a plane crash onto a desert island can go for
weeks without bathing, get dragged through mud pits, battle with local
wildlife and still come out with their hair and clothing looking
professionally styled.
* There is always a pilot, or a doctor, or an armed off-duty police
officer on board.
* Every employee of air traffic control, or mission control in space
movies, is a chain smoker.
* When a drink is thrown in one's face, it doesn't burn the eyes
regardless of how high the alcohol content
* Deadly reptiles will always attack a woman first, even if she's in the
presence of thirty men.
* Every time some guy walks into a bar, usually the hero, he gets into a
fight. Likelihood of fight increases if country music is playing in the
background.
* People never cough, sneeze, blow their noses, or show any other
symptoms of being in less than perfect health.
* Only exception to the above is when they're dying. A cough is a
symptom of terminal illness.
* Evil geniuses who devise bombs to destroy things/people always have
them detonate after at least an hour, giving the hero ample time to defuse
it.
* Bombs always have big, blinking, beeping timer displays. Evil geniuses
who devise bombs to destroy things/people are always thoughtful enough to
include a visible display (usually LED) of how much time remains before the
bomb detonates, giving the hero accurate feedback on exactly how much time
remains.
* Explosions always happen in slow motion. When an explosion occurs,
make certain you are running away from the point of detonation so the blast
can send you flying, in slow motion, toward the camera.
* Movie passengers either don't pay cabs at all, or have the exact
change. Same is true in restaurants. Checks are always designed to be 15
percent under the bills the male costumer has in his hands first.
* Movie people can get cabs instantly, unless they are in danger,
whereupon no cab can be found
* Movie characters driving in the city will get to park wherever they
like when they get to their destination.
* No one fumbles for car keys right before a car chase. they always jump
right in and start the car up because they've left the keys in the ignition.
Not a great idea in any major city.
* Woman falls to the ground whilst being chased by a bad guy, even when
running over level, unobstructed terrain. Note that when a man and woman are
being chased, usually the woman falls, then the man pauses and helps her up.
Man will then continue to run with woman, holding her by the hand or
preferably upper arm, even though this takes them both below the speed
either one could make on their own.
* All movie women try to run in heels, never stopping to kick them off.
* Movie character never make typing mistakes.
* Two people will often converse while one stares out the window, with
their back to the other. When an emotional point is made, the first person
will turn around.
* When you go to rob a bank in a film, you will always choose the teller
who has just started his or her first day on the job.
* The hero and heroine in love always get a great table in a restaurant,
even in New York City at lunch on Saturday
* Movie elevators are always ready at that floor. But if the
hero/heroine is being chased, elevator won't come.
* All characters keep detailed newsclippings of important events in
their lives, particularly those events that must be painful to recall, such
as the loss of the character's immediate family due to their own negligence.
NB: If the news report would have come out while the character was in jail
or on the run, all the more reason for the character to have kept it intact.
* At some point in a duel, the hero and villain will cross swords at
face level, allowing them to grip each other's weapon while making
nasty/sarcastic comments before they break the clinch and continue fighting.
* During a duel, the hero will jump or climb onto a
table/bench/piano/platform that raises him above the villain. At that point,
the villain will swipe at the hero's legs, which the hero avoids by jumping
up in the air over the villain's blade. _Very_ rarely, the positions are
reversed.
* If there are stairs, the hero will be forced up them backwards by the
villain, at which point the hero will either leap to the ground or swing
from a rope/chandelier/tapestry to get away.
* If a character uses martial arts rather than a weapon, his opponents
will always face him one-to-one. Spare bad guys may dance around the fight
taunting our hero, but none will engage until his predecessor has been
disposed of. And if it's an oriental martial arts film, they will fight in
perfect one-two rhythm and form, hit-block-hit-block.
* Pastries are always in plain pink boxes. When we see a plain pink box,
we expected to know that the box contains donuts or cake or some related
item.
* All movie mothers will prepare a breakfast, usually consisting of
scrambled eggs, bacon, etc. Dad and the kids will invariably arrive at the
table 30 seconds before Dad has to leave for the office and the kids have to
catch the school bus. Each will have time only for a sip of coffee/juice
and/or one bite of toast. There must be enough food left over in these homes
to feed an emerging nation!
* The hero's best friend/partner will usually be killed by the bad guys
three days before retirement.
* The hero will always have a small trickle of blood in the right corner
of his mouth after a fight. His lip will never be split in the middle, and
his upper lip will always be invulnerable. He will wipe the blood from the
corner of his mouth with the back of his hand, then look at it. If his face
displays any other injury, it will usually be a small abrasion on his right
cheekbone. He will wear a band-aid on this for one day, after which it will
be miraculously healed.
* A hero will show no pain even during the most terrific beating, yet he
will wince if a women attempts to clean a wound.
* If the movie hero has a sidekick and he mentiones his family in the
first two minutes of the film, the sidekick will surely be killed.
* A kid always knows more than an adult.
* Eight to ten-year-old kids are the best computer hackers on earth and
can break into any system.
* Men on rafts, jungles, deserts or other extended duty don't have to
carry razors because their beards don't grow. Counterpoint: Unless they
drink, in which case 3-day stubble appears in 3 hrs.
* Medieval peasants always have filthy faces, tangled hair, ragged
clothing - and perfect, gleaming white teeth.
* Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright ("boing!") in
bed.
* You also never have to look up a phone number, for anyone.
* Police Captains/lieutenants are always angry at their star detective
and yell at him, threatening suspension if he doesn't drop the case.
* A character turns on the radio just in time to hear a special
announcement or some important news item. Then turns the radio off.
* All spaceships, no matter how small, have internal artifical gravity
and no matter how badly your ship gets pummeled by the evil aliens in the
evil alien ship, no matter how many external panels get blown away, no
matter how many sparks or how much smoke pours out of your control panels,
the artificial gravity will always keep working.
* When a main character has to cross the street (in one of the slower
parts of the movie), he/she can always cross the street immediately. Of
course, he/she jogs across in order to miss the one car that drives by after
they cross.
* Women will be worrying about their nails or dresses while people are
trying to kill them.
* Women stand wide-eyed, hand to mouth, while hero battles villain.
Women never thinks to clonk villain with handy object. Counterpoint: If
woman does clonk, she always hits hero instead.
* Women wear make-up to bed, and wake up with hair and face completely
intact.

From Official Court Records (all things said/asked by lawyers):

* Was that the same nose you broke as a child ?
* - Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in
most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it
until the next morning ?
* - Qu: What happened then ?
A : He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify
me"
Qu: Did he kill you ?
* Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war ?
* - Do you have any children or anything of that kind ?
* - Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask if you recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken ?
* - Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated ?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated ?
* - Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body
of Mr. E at the Rose Chapel ?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8.30 pm
Q: And Mr. E was dead at the time, is that correct ?
A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an autopsy !

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
tell you why it isn't.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the
dark.
--------Michael L.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching
them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years
telling them to sit down and shut-up.

� "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of
them serious."

� You guys line up alphabetically by height.

� "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and
one word only: Super Bowl."

� Helpful Warnings: "CAUTION: Knife is very sharp. Keep out of
children"

� "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types
of people."

� China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.

� "If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure."

� "We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not
occur."

� "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the
law."

� "Weather forecast: precipitation in the morning, rain in the
afternoon."

� "Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not

� there?"

� "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by
candlelight."

� "I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device
that is exploding."

� Athens Hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office
between the hours of 9 and 11 daily.

� Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

� Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any
suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

� Copenhagen airline ticket office: WE take your bags and send them in
all directions.

� Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

� London office: After tea break staff should empty the teapot and
stand upside down on the draining board.

� Majorcan shop entrance: Here speeching American.

� Moscow hotel lobby across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are
welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers,
artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

� Norwegian ****tail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children
in the bar.

� Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

� Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we
will execute customers in strict rotation.

� Roman doctor's office: Specialist in women and other diseases.

� Sweden: in the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for
ladies from their own skin.

� Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel
porter.

� Crazy is a relative term in my family!

� Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

� If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a
procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared
for, will promptly develop.

� Nothing is as easy as it looks.

� If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen
then..

� If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

� Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done
first.

� It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so
ingenious.

� If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one
that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

� Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

� Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

� Friendly fire ain't.

� The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a
map.

� You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

� Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with
confidence.

� Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some fool discovers
something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond
recognition.

� Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not
understand.

� If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then
the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

� Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll
believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to
be sure.

� All's well that ends.

� The first myth of management is that it exists.

� A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.

� To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

� To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the
longest and cost the most.

� Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any
system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

� Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible
corner.

� Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.

� Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry.

� Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

� In a family argument, if it turns out you are right, apologize at
once.

� Natural laws have no pity.

Funny Thoughts

� If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it
later?

� "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when
are buttons cute?

� Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the
cup?

� If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there,
do you get you money back? (Granted you lived)

� Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

� Can you get cornered in a round room?

� In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

� What happens if you put this side up face down while popping
microwave popcorn?

� Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but
the hardest thing to eat with?

� If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?

� Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT
been free?

� If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

� You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you
say to people that work nights?

� Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read
the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

� Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?

� Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport
security when they get to work?

� How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

� Can you cry under water?

� Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find
something funny? When obviously we do?

� Why do people call it an ATM machine, but they know it's really
saying Automated Teller Machine Machine?

� Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves?

� How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

� When you see the weather report and it says "partly cloudy" and then
the next day it says "partly sunny"; what's the difference?

� Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake
up like every two hours?

� What does the T in T-Shirt really mean?

� Why does the label on children's Tylenol tell you not to operate
heavy machinery or vehicles when it's for CHILDREN!?

� If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?

� Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

� Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are
down?

� Why do we say "bye, bye" but not "hi, hi"?

� How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

� Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up?

� Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

� What ever happened to an E grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E.

� Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

� In France do people just ask for toast and get French toast? or do
they have to ask for American toast?

� Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

� Why do bars advertise live bands? What does a dead band sound like?

EVER WONDER where we are headed...
>
>Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>
>Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
>
>Why you don't ever see the headline:
>
>Psychic Wins Lottery"?
>
>Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
>
>Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
>
>Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
>
>Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid
>is made with real lemons?
>
>Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?
>
>Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?
>
>Who tastes dog food when it has a new & improved" flavor?
>
>Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
>
>Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
>
>Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the
>indestructible black box?
>
>Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
>
>Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
>
>If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
>
>Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
>
>AND...
>
>In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of
>stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
>consumer goods.
>
>On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping".
>(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
>
>On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase
>necessary. Details inside.
>(What, the shoplifter special?)
>
>On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".
>(And that would be how???)
>
>On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".
>(But, it's just a suggestion).
>
>On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down".
>(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
>
>On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
>(And you thought????...)
>
>On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
>(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
>
>On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate
>machinery after taking this
>medication".
>(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
>could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those
>forklifts.)
>
>On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
>(And...I'm taking this because???)
>On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
>(As opposed to...what?)
>
>On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".
>(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
>
>On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".
>(Talk about a news flash!)
>
>On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
>nuts".
>(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>
>I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:
>On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
>you to fly".
>
>On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands".
>(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
>
>Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the
>stupidity

Ask, "did you hear that cable snapping sound?"
Call the psychic hotline from you cell phone, and ask if they know what
floor you're on.
Draw a volleyball on the wall of the elevator and insist you have been
trapped in there for 3 months. Formally introduce everyone to the
volleyball!
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to
call you Admiral.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up,
dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Hold the elevator door open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a
while, let the doors close and say, "Hi John, how's your day been?"
Hum the theme from Mission Impossible with yours eyes darting around the
elevator.
Hum the theme to Jeopardy
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"
Introduce yourself as Ochenga-Wangaa The great chief and begin telling
stories of your native island.
Leave a box between the doors.
Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear
something ticking.
Move your desk in to the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they
have an appointment.
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
Place police tape (CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS) on the inside of the doors.
Preach about the end of the world.
Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits
with the passengers
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting
off.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!"
and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce "I've
got new socks on!"
Start a sing-along.
Tell the passengers not to worry. The bomb won't go off for at least another
two minutes.
Try to purchase an article of clothing from the person next to you.
Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side..
Wear a Santa suit...in June.
Wear a ski mask and carry an axe.
When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming let me out!
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now...
motion sickness!"
When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't
panic, they'll open again."
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
When the elevator reaches another passenger's floor, scream and collapse in
front of the door.
While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "hide it...quick!" then
whistle innocently.
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

General Ways to Annoy People

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to
others that you "like it that way".
After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and
insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate
sprinkles.
Ask people to prove everything they say. ( e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet
you..." "PROVE IT!")
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair
dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.
Change Channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Claim you are fluent in over 6 million forms of communication - constantly,
every time any language is mentioned, even if the comment is not directed to
you
Consistently refer to everyone as 'mortal.'
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Continue to ask someone, "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over
and over.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbours
upstairs for "violating your airspace."
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Every time you see a particular co-worker, shout, "So we meet again!" and
laugh evilly.
Explain "the little green men" in detail to someone, and when they don't
believe you, accuse them of being one in disguise.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear
them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your
boss is the opposite gender.)
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
For a relaxing break, get away from it all in the fish tank with a mask and
snorkel.
Force everyone to remove their shoes when they enter your office "to prevent
contamination."
"Forget" the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a
"real hoot."
Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme.
Go to a shoe store and try on every shoe, then say that you aren't
interested in buying shoes and leave.
Go up to a someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And
then walk away very quickly.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles
of beer on the wall!
Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.
Lie to your therapist.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these
names.
Name your dog "Dog."
On the public bus, keep asking the driver nervously, "are we there yet?"
Open umbrellas in crowded hallways.
Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
Put a title like Senator or Doctor before your name when making dinner and
hotel reservations.
Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Put everyone on speakerphone.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
Recite Shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet.
Recite the first 100 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear
it in binary, too.
Repeat everything someone says as a question.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?",
"What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Run around holding your elbows and asking people to please take the
straightjacket off you.
Run through the halls of your office building or school with your arms
outstretched,
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For
example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Sing the "This is the song that never ends" song from Lamp chop's
Play-Along.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team.
Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.
Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring
at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible
theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
Step on the back of the shoe of the person in front of you.
Tell small children that they don't look very promising.
Throw newspapers back at paperboys.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin.
When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the
muffin man?"
Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family.
Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they
notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've
been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds.. You're weird!" Leave the
restaurant.
Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
Wear alarming combinations of pink and green and comment about everybody
else's fashion sense.
Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your
card.
When giving directions, leave out a turn or two.
When walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises.
When walking, talk to yourself constantly.
Whenever anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know."
Whenever somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said
means.
Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?"
Whenever someone lights a cigarette, tackle the person and yell "Stop, drop,
and roll!"
While going down in an elevator scream, "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!! WE'RE GONNA
DIE!!!" for no apparent reason.

How To Annoy People On An Airplane

Ask the person next to you, "Are you in the Witness Protection program too?"
Bring a "Word-a-Day" calendar on board with you. Read every single word
aloud and attempt to use it in a sentence. Use them all incorrectly.
Bring a microphone and act like Frank Sinatra
Call the stewardess "nurse".
Lead a bible study session in the back of the plane.
Lead a revolt against the first class passengers.
Scream and dive under your seat for no apparent reason.
Sport a kamikaze helmet and goggles. Speak in a low voice into a hand held
tape recorder: "Today's date, December 7th, 1941. I was not able to command
my own personal plane but success shall still be ours...."
Wear a hairpiece and switch it often, seeing if anyone notices
Tell the person next to you your life story, from DNA to that afternoon
Try to lead plane in song "Oh I wish I was an Oscar Myer Weiner"
Yell out, "John Lithgow is on the wing!"

Ways To Annoy A Cop

Bad cop! No doughnut!
Aren't you the guy from the village people?
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police
officer.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars
around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's night
stand.
You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

Fun things to do in a Department Store

1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals.
2. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we
have a code blue in house wares," and see what happens.
3. Put some M&M's on lay away.
4. Move CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to carpet areas.
5. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite
them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
6. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't
you people leave me alone."
7. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick
your nose.
8. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from 'Mission
Impossible.'
9. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows
where the anti-depressants are.

10. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper "PICK
ME! PICK ME!!!!!"
11. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal
position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
12. Go to the fitting room and yell real loud....."Hey we're out of toilet
paper in here!"

13. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of wrapping paper.

14. When people are behind you, walk really slowly, especially in narrow
isles.

15. Turn all the radios to polka stations, then turn them off and turn the
volume to the highest it goes.

16. Ride the bicycles throughout the store and claim your taking it for a
test drive.

17. As the cashier scans your purchases, look at the machine in awe and say
"wow! magic"

18. When two people are walking beside each other in an isle, run between
them yelling "Red Rover!"

19. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

20. Play "Marco Polo"

2006-03-06T12:00:00.000-08:00

hey whats new

2006-01-23T12:31:00.000-08:00

good movie:

The Italian Job

2006-01-23T12:02:00.000-08:00

hey this is a test from my posting email

--
The Leviathan

Help!

2006-01-21T11:35:00.000-08:00

Ok, so i get a ipod nano
itunes thinks that it is 40 gigs
what do i do
!!!!!??????????????!

test

2006-01-21T11:34:00.000-08:00

test

hey

2006-01-18T11:59:00.000-08:00

nothing ever goes on here, i know that this is lame so who cares?

2006-01-16T17:36:00.000-08:00

Yes i am a macintosh computer geek

hello

2006-01-15T19:18:00.000-08:00

hello all,
welcome in,
this is the first post ever on the Geek Blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

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sorry wrong ulr

pentagon video

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